This Is Not What I Planned: Trusting God's Preparation

Never in my life did I think turning 25 would feel like this. When I imagined my early 20’s, I dreamed they would be full of laughter, quality time with friends, travel, and carefree days. Instead, I find myself asking, “How did I end up here?” Somewhat jobless, isolated, and desperately looking for a silver lining, things are looking a bit bleak from my point of view. What’s worse, I truly thought I did everything right, but here I am, just waiting in silence.

Last month, I celebrated my 25^th birthday. Although I had a beautiful time with friends, what was meant to be a “milestone birthday” ended up being a very low moment for me. Would you believe me if I said I cried several times that week? Weirdly enough, I did all my favorite things. I spent time with friends, ate good food, and even took in a great show. Yet, unbeknownst to those around me, I felt like I had absolutely nothing to show for my 25 revolutions around the sun.  I’ve struggled for weeks to find the perfect words to write. Not because I didn’t have the desire to share, but because describing my thoughts and feelings felt intimidating. Laying them all out on paper, knowing that people would have a front-row seat into my mind, was difficult for me to stomach. My fellow introverts know exactly where I’m coming from. Nevertheless, I’ll let the Lord order my words in hopes that they can resonate with someone.

In October of 2025, I made an Instagram post that read,

“Being in a season of hiding isn’t warfare – it’s God’s way of gracefully refocusing your heart. A hiding season isn’t simply a shield from what’s outside, but it’s an invitation for God to clean up what’s inside. Prying eyes and ears? Excess voices and opinions? They can all be distractions and inhibitors of growth. By God’s grace, He allows us to be formed, developed, and chastised in hiding. May we learn to appreciate the secret place and the transformation that can only come from being hidden.”

Sounds like something straight out of a devotional, right? In reality, God had simply given me words to describe the season that I was in – the season that I’m still in. Six months later, I am still here. Still waiting, believing, transforming, and still walking with the Lord despite what things look like. Truthfully, it’s hard and I feel frustrated with God at times. I wonder, “What did I do to end up here?” Yet, even in those moments, God graciously reminds me that He’s intentional. Even in the silence, He’s moving in ways I can’t see. There are times when I wonder why God wouldn’t just let me take the “normal” path. Truly, I had a plan: graduate college, get a good job, get married, have kids, and grow old. Sure, it seems simple, but I’m a simple girl at heart. However, God has given me dreams, confirmations, that are much bigger than my “simple” plans.

“Many plans are in a person’s heart, but the Lord’s decree will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21

To be brutally honest, some of the things God has spoken scare the living daylights out of me. But I know better than to walk outside of God’s will. Instead, I pray and ask Him to change my heart, give me clarity in my mind, and strengthen my spirit. I am utterly aware that I can accomplish none of the things God has for me without His presence. Which brings me back to this seemingly dry season. I’m learning that all good things take time, or rather, all God things take time. We don’t serve a “microwave-god” who throws us into the calling without walking us through the preparation. In fact, He wouldn’t be a good and perfect God if He didn’t ensure we were prepared to carry the weight of our calling before bestowing it upon us. So, although it’s painful, I can feel how God is working within me. That dream of the perfect corporate job has been replaced with a desire to work in ministry – no matter what it looks like. The introverted desire to be “out of sight and out of mind” has been replaced with a boldness to share the Gospel and the Word of the Lord amidst opposition. If I zoom out and take a bird’s eye view of the past year, it hasn’t only been a season of isolation. It’s been a season of preparation.

God saw fit to strip me of almost everything. Social interaction, employment, mobility, funds, and everything else that made up my life got put on God’s chopping block. Still, I’ve been sustained by His grace and blessed beyond measure in this season. By taking away things that could have distracted me from His voice, He has been showing me how to be fully dependent on Him. That means more time in His Word, more time in prayer, consistent fasting, and pruning the things that don’t align with His will for me. Is it my favorite approach? No. Would I have chosen a different mechanism? Yes. But who am I to question how God decides to work? A finite being like me couldn’t begin to understand the ways of an infinite God. So, until He says this season is over, I’ll be here. Still waiting, believing, and being transformed until God gives me the green light to do whatever He’s leading me towards. No, I don’t fully understand what God is doing. But I do know that, for me to carry the plans He has for my life, I have to lay down the “simple” plans that I’d envisioned for years. I have to trust that God’s word over my life won’t return void. I have to allow Him to flip my entire world upside down and not question His ways. Now, more than ever, I have to remember what Proverbs 3:5-6 says,

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

That will take time – all God things take time.