You Don't Need A "Boo", You Need A Father

So, it’s almost Valentine’s Day, and some of you might still be waiting on that last-minute text from your crush saying, “Hey, wanna do something this weekend?” Mind you, this is an individual you haven’t spoken to in ages, but you’re still expecting their name to randomly pop up on your screen. Personally, I blame social media. Whether it’s all the paid ads from brands trying to sell you candy, jewelry, and flowers, or everyone posting their engagement photos, what we consume inherently shapes our desires. Trust me, as a single Christian, I certainly desire marriage. However, I would be naive to say my desire to be married hasn’t been further inflamed due to digesting so much “lovey-dovey” content. Living in the internet age means love is often defined by grand gestures, re-touched photos, and clout. However, the grandest gesture a man could have ever performed happened over 2,000 years ago on a rugged cross. You see where I’m going with this? I once heard Dr. Sarita Lyons say, “You don’t need a boo, you need a brother.” In that moment, she was discussing how Christian women will meet a Christian man and automatically assume he’s their husband. However, I see an even deeper issue at play. Many of us are hoping for God to bring us a spouse, which is a healthy desire, but we’ve forgotten the man who first loved us. It’s almost as if we believe we’ll be complete once our significant other arrives. Hence, what once was a healthy desire has now turned into a volatile idol.  

I wish I could hold your hand while saying this, but there are still limitations to technology – thank God! Anyways, here goes – no human can fill the void in your heart. I’m sure we all understand how fickle people can be. One day, they love you. Next week, you’re strangers. People lie, cheat, and take advantage of our emotions. Yet we still crave that one individual we believe will make all those bad experiences disappear. Don’t get me wrong, finding your person is a beautiful thing, but even they are fallible. That longing you feel deep in your soul was never meant to be filled by a human. Perfect love can only come from the Father – your Father in heaven, of course. I can’t tell you how many times I used to idolize the idea of marriage because I thought it would make everything okay. There was a time when I truly thought marriage was my way out.

When I was in high school, I witnessed my parents’ divorce. The years leading up to it were probably worse than the divorce itself, but at that age, my view on marriage was a bit skewed. Still, although I didn’t have the best example of marriage in my life, I still believed in love and meeting the perfect person for me. After all, the reason why my parents divorced was that they weren’t perfect for each other, right? So, the dreamer in me built an entire storyline in her mind. I imagined how my future husband would propose, what our wedding would be like, how our home would look, and how much better life would be once I met my perfect husband. It wasn’t until a couple of years later that God decided to strip me of my delusion and have a tough Father-daughter conversation that ended up lasting several years. If you ever thought God was a deadbeat dad, you are beyond incorrect.

The truth is, at a young age, I saw a marriage start to crumble right before my eyes. Honestly, I felt a bit jaded at the time. Throwing over 20 years down the drain was something I only saw in movies, but here it was, happening in my own home. Thankfully, this didn’t cause me to swear off love, but it did cause me to hyper-fixate on marriage. At the time, my number one goal was to ensure my marriage would never end in divorce like my parents’. I’d dream of a love that was virtually “perfect” and, after a long line of failed relationships in my family, my marriage would be the one that made it. Although that wasn’t a totally terrible dream, it was safe to say I completely lost the plot. Believe it or not, my life’s mission was to be married. Not because of the ministry that comes with it, the family we’d build, or the favor the Lord would provide, but because I thought marriage could provide “perfect” love. Yes, as smart as I was for my age, I was very naïve on the marriage front.

Fast-forward to my sophomore year of college. After one epic relationship fail, friendship fallouts, a stint of seasonal depression, and a global pandemic, I was at a loss. That was when God began to speak to my heart while I was completely stripped of outside voices. He allowed me to see that this perfect love I was seeking couldn’t be found in any person on Earth. Not a man, not friends, and not a dream. My attention had been divided for so long that I forgot about my first love – Jesus Christ. Not only did God remind me that I was idolizing the idea of marriage, but He was helping me to understand that perfect love could only be found in Him. Sometimes, it takes God completely removing all distractions for you to hear His voice, and this time, I heard Him loud and clear. It was so easy to lose sight and shift my focus to the things I could gain in this world. A husband was one of those things. But being the patient, loving Father that He is, the Lord drew me back with so much grace. He knew I didn’t need a “boo”, but I needed my Heavenly Father. I love how Psalms 36:7 puts it,

“How priceless your faithful love is, God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”

So, do I still desire marriage? Of course I do. I look forward to the day when God brings my spouse. I am excited to serve together, build a family, and grow old with my husband – whoever he might be. But despite all the social media propaganda, I now understand a husband won’t complete me. Marriage isn’t the goal, and my single season certainly isn’t a punishment. Right now, I have the gift of being able to serve God undivided. I’m able to go deeper in my personal relationship with Christ without the responsibilities and demands that a marriage brings. I don’t take that freedom for granted. Thus, on this Valentine’s Day, I might not be getting sweet love letters from my significant other, but I have something much better. My Heavenly Father already wrote me the longest love letter, comprised of 66 books and 1,189 chapters. What man do you know who’s topping that?!